“I wrote 420 goodbye letters”

Julien Contreras (36) has become the protagonist of dozens of headlines in recent weeks after the success of Handmade, a book of erotic fiction that he signed and which propelled him to the top of the bestseller lists. Without a doubt, a 180 degree change that makes it one of the best moments of his life. Not only because he is recognized thanks to his work and remains far from the family controversies which tormented him so many times, but also because he left behind him its darkest stage.

[El libro erótico de Julián Contreras Jr., en el ranking de los más vendidos: sus sorprendentes números]

From an early age the grandson of the unforgettable Carmina Ordonez experienced the bitter side of life, not only after his untimely and surprising death, but also because of the long depressive process with whom he lived for years.

A time he was already honest about in his book When failure is success: how I rebuilt after going bankrupt and contemplating suicide, but of which he has now spoken again. He did it on the YouTube channel we are not crazyfrom influencer Luc Loren, donde spoke openly about his suicide attempt.

Julián Contreras in an image of his social networks.

Julián Contreras in an image of his social networks.


A relaxed dialogue in which Julián recounted previously unknown details, sharing his testimony to show others going through something similar that there is always a way out and that it is a more normal problem than it seems.

According to another point of the interview, he suffered from depression for four years, during which he had a pharmacological treatment that went wrong. “Psychopharmacology eventually spirals out of control and you end up with another problem, an almost constant addiction to a drug that isn’t the answer. But you’re so bad that you think those pills are a bubble that protects you from harm. universe. In my case, it expanded too much and that part where I had to stop the drug was horrible. I had a withdrawal syndrome that scratched meliterally,” he reveals.

“Mine comes because my life is starting to change and i’m not adjustingI can’t fit in. I started having variations as I figured out a deal that wasn’t going well for me due to a scam and was life changing and needed to be adjusted on all levels. Also, in the meantime, I had several very bad social situations. So in the end it’s all like they’re wearing you down until in the end you don’t have a single drop and you’re like a rag,” says Contreras.

A situation that lasted quite a long time, leading Julián to see no other way out than to contemplate the idea of ​​committing suicide. “I spent an entire year systematically thinking that my life had to end. And when you do, your relationship with yourself becomes bad and toxic, you live with a person who wants to destroy you, who is yourself.” In fact, Julián Contreras was so clear about the situation that he is prepared for it, I wrote about 420 goodbye letters”.

Julián Contreras during the interview.

Julián Contreras during the interview.


Luckily that moment never came and it was that he found a reason to carry on day after day and got him out of that bad moment. “To me my cat saved my life, it’s real. I am there physically and earthly for my cat. me every night the night plays a very bad role with suicides, I had a kitten, which was a baby at the time, and every night he lay on my chest and I said, ‘how am I going to leave this creature’. It’s funny, because my father is my vital core, my universe revolves around him, but he’s this little dictator who hasn’t let me sleep since and wakes me up every morning.”

“It would have been a mistake”, phrases about committing suicide and it’s something that “is always a mistake”. A message you wish to convey, indicating that “life suddenly shines”“that’s what you have to hold on to and what you have to look for. So things happen every day out of the blue that you say: I would have missed this and I would have missed the other. I’ve been hanging on to that a lot, not knowing what I’m going to lose.”

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